The worst thing about NBA basketball? That’s easy: The team names! What with the rapid franchise movement and just incomprehensible obsession with the uncountable noun, American professional basketball is simply bogged down with names that are mostly laughingly displaced (e.g. Los Angeles Lakers, Utah Jazz, Memphis Grizzlies), generic (e.g. Atlanta Hawks, New Orleans Hornets, Phoenix Suns), and those groaningly stupid in their impossibility to properly visually represent (Miami Heat, Orlando Magic and the brutally bad Oklahoma City Thunder).
All in all, aside from maybe the Philadelphia 76ers, the league at the supposed epicenter of international sports marketing consists of two-dozen teams none of which you’d ever want to be seen purchasing, much less wearing.
Then, there’s Europe. With some 600 major teams on The Continent alone, there’s got to be some beauties among the team names, even if there is a tragic amount of sponsors subverting the proper name of a given club. (Seriously, is there a lamer name in basketball than “Armani Jeans Milano”? I thought not.)
Without further ado, then, here is Ball in Europe’s official and prestigious “Top 12 Team Names in European Basketball” list, culled from hundreds of prospective squads. Hopefully, someone in Seattle and/or wherever the NBA’s 31st and 32nd franchises might be located is reading…
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