Say what you want about Euroleague.net, but somebody over there has good ideas about filling a lull in the seasonal schedule. Currently running at the website is the “Euroleague Video Faceoff” tournament featuring video submissions from the teams’ cheerleading squads, and with winners determined by popular vote. The following are one man’s choices for the quarterfinal round, shaped by hours of research, i.e. watching the videos again and again.
• ALBA Berlin vs. DKV Joventut
It’s a old-school vs. modern choreography battle here, with DKV Joventut’s more traditional approach spiced by generous amounts of shimmying and grinding placed against the ALBA Berliners’ strange cowboy fetish-cum-striptease number. Already ahead, that button-cute girl at center puts the Dutchmen – I mean, Dutchwomen – over the top. (And no, i don’t want to know how old she is.)
The winner: DKV Joventut
• Asseco Prokom vs. Olympiacos
The Asseco team’s music in the video clip may be straight out of the Eurovision Song Contest catalogue, but damn, these women can dance, the rhythmic gymnastics elements are wonderful, and those costumes (you’ll know the ones)? Whoa.
It’s tempting to say that the Olympiacos ladies have no chance at all; i mean, all they really have going for them against Asseco Prokom’s all-out cheerleading attack are those outfits. Then again, those outfits…
The winner: Asseco Prokom
• Unicaja vs. CSKA Moscow
After utterly smoking the Zalgiris Kaunus girls, 76 to 24 percent, in the first round, the Unicaja senoritas are forced to take on those goddesses worthy of worship from Moscow. And nothing more really needs to be said on that matter.
The winner: Come on, you have to ask? As good as the Unicaja ladies are, they’re never conquering The Red Foxes in my heart. Or anywhere else in my body.
Here’s a little further proof for y’all. (Read: A good excuse to kill more minutes of your worktime with some good unadultered appreciation of, um, the, um, athleticism at work here.)
• Regal FC Barcelona vs. Panathinaikos
How did the Barcelona women destroy Union Olimpija so handily (92 to 8 percent in the biggest landslide of the first round)? With the truly astonishing display of dance, beauty and especially uniform changes – that modified black business-suit look will appear in my dreams for weeks – in their video. As gorgeous and good as the Panathinaikos lassies are, this one’s over. (Note to head of Panathinaikos cheerleader squad: Fire whoever edited your video, easily the worst-produced of the quarterfinals.)
The winner: Regal FC Barcelona.
So go the BallinEurope endorsements for this all-important election which restores one’s faith in democracy. Remember: Vote early, vote often, and happy viewing!